the beginning

Recently I’ve discovered a whole new part of me, and though I am camera shy, I’m not afraid to share this new and confusing side of me with the world.

A good beginning makes a good end. — Louis L’Amour

An Introduction

As a starter, I would like to inform all readers that this will be an anonymous blog, my name and my friends’ names will be changed, for safety and privacy reasons.

My name is John, I am 15 years old and am currently in school in England. My family consists of six members: me, my parents, two siblings and a dog. I have quite a few friends who are great and fun, however, am not one of the “cool kids”, and until recently was quite reclusive and shy.

A Revelation

About a month ago, I was watching a Netflix movie called, “Alex Strangelove.” It is the story about a high school senior who plans on losing his virginity to his girlfriend but finds himself oddly uninterested and afraid of the event. Furthermore, he meets an openly gay young man from the other side of town. Between the two events, he finds himself on a rollercoaster of mixed emotions about his sexual identity.

By the end of the movie, I found myself sick in the stomach due to a mix and brutal bashing of my emotions. Later that night I was crying, but from joy and it was relieving to release the complex emotions that disrupted my insides. Through a series of events including the discovery of Tom Daley, a British Olympic diver, being gay and happily married to Lance Black and re-watching “Love, Simon”, I finally accepted the fact, which had been lurking in my mind for 2 years, I was bisexual! Well, not really. That was what I tried to convince myself for the next week, however, I have now for two weeks finally accepted that I wasn’t even attracted to women, but simply only men.

So Far

I have come out to a select few of my closest friends, who have all been completely normal about it and I don’t know what I was even worrying about upon my newfound sexuality. I still have to come out to my family but I think that will have to wait until quite a bit into the future, preferably once I’m sixteen and stress levels about current events in the family come down.

I really hope that this has been enjoying to read, it has been a nice method of release for me, and I will be writing more about my daily life, its events and perhaps other things that anyone can suggest through commenting it or emailing me. Also if anyone has any questions or feedback, please do tell me.

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