i’m being unreasonable

It’s not really fair, but currently I’m being unreasonably angry, annoyed, jealous and a little rude with my roommate. He found out this morning that he won the Google Code-In competition, which is actually a really big deal because only about 58 out of 20,000 people who participated win. Because, he’s won the competition, he’s going to San Fransisco for a couple days in June, where he’ll be taken around the place, to Facebook and Google HQ, etc. It’s a really amazing experience, and I would be lying if I said that he didn’t deserve to be a winner. He is a serious coder, and really enjoys all the work he does, which is probably one of the reasons I’m annoyed with him right now. How can he already know what he likes, be good at it and win a worldwide competition doing it, when I’m still as sure of what I want to do as a melon is sure it’s a melon. Melons are inanimate objects, so the metaphor works. Being a winner in the competition also gives him a major boost in his CV, especially since he wants to do a computing-related course at university. I was fine before, even though he had coding and that was his thing because oher than that we were still at the same place, but now he’s miles ahead and it’s a horrible shocker that the real world is approaching even quicker. I hate how ready he is to find his place in the world and that he’ll probably end up leaving me behind as he goes to some amazing american university and I’m stuck in England, messaging him a couple times a month, until we stop communicating altogether. Maybe this would have been fine, if he was just my roommate, but he’s my best friend, we’ve been friends for over four years, and going strong. This is something that I’ve never done before, because of all the moving across the world every couple of years. In no way am I complaining that I got such an experience as living all over the world as a child but it was hard because, I can say I’ll stay close to my friends, but really, we eventually lose contact and they become as distant as the strangers I pass on the sidewalks. I’ve already lost so many best friends, and I really don’t want to lose my roommate.

I guess that I’m just jealous that he’s going to do really well in life, whilst enjoying it, unlike myself, and in the process of becoming amazing, I’ll probably be left behind.

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