i guess this is just a filler

First of all, apologies for anyone who was displeased or even offended by my last post, it may not have been the most tasteful… Today I don’t have much of a theme for what I want to talk about so I think I’ll just add in some extra details to previous ones that I missed, however believe are somewhat crucial. And I know what you’re thinking, “John, if they’re so crucial for the points you’re trying to get across why didn’t you mention them in the actual post?” My answer to you: I honestly don’t know, though it was probably either I forgot (uhh, so yeah they still are important) or I didn’t feel like sharing it.

The most important detail to a recent post where I spoke about crushes and school. I touched upon school and then crushes, where I briefly spoke of my latest crush. What I neglected to mention though, was that upon falling for him, I realised that he was the first boy that I had ever had a real crush on. I’d known I was gay for almost a year and had suspicions for many years before that, however never crushed on a guy before. In fact, remember when I said, “latest crush”? Well, by latest I meant the first since I was twelve (I’m sixteen now), when I had a crush on one of my at-the-time best friends who was a girl, so yeah, I don’t know what happened there, I think I just semi-forced myself to like a girl to the border of obssesion… Anyway, I guess that crushing for a boy for the first time and him being my first rush in four years opened up something inside me, but it’s not like that matters, I stopped that and you can find out more at that post.

This isn’t much of a post and I am sorry if that dissapoints you, I will try to do better next time. It would be even easier if maybe you could leave a suggestion in the comments, but that’s up to you. Thanks for reading.

John.

kissing boys

– QUICK DISCLAIMER: John has never kissed anyone, boy or girl (before he knew). This post should not be taken as an accurate description of what a kiss is but merely a simple yet effective method that John uses to vent his pent-up emotions and fantasies (don’t be dirty…) –

Before I start this post, I’d like to say that I have already written this post before, but it disappeared without a trace 😦 I believe that I lost quite a bit of good material, however I will take it as a sign from the universe not to go off on a tangent about legal sex ages and average loss of virginity ages in the UK.

Now, as another normal boy, I spend my fair share of time imagining situations both sexual and mild. The trade-off between me and others is most likely the difference in the gender of the person I imagine doing these things with. I am no closer to getting a boyfriend than even before I realised I was gay, and currently, I don’t know how I feel about that; I guess I just feel unlucky that there doesn’t seem to be a larger range of people in my school who’d be interested in dating me and vice versa. This doesn’t stop me from imagining my first kiss with Mr Right. I watch a lot of movies, but I’m not a sucker, very few actually give an accurate depiction of what a first kiss is like: weird, uncomfortable and probably awkward. I typically like to imagine kisses in a relationship which, I would hope, would be less messy and more romantic and nice. For example, a kiss in the morning when you first see each other, small, simple but probably amazing or a kiss before some other activities in the bedroom, like jumping on the bed and playing Jenga on a mattress 😉 these kisses would be energetic, full and powerful. Honestly, most of the time I don’t really care how good a kiss is, but rather just hope that I get a boyfriend soon because sometimes I am lonely, and sadly that is because I’m gay. I’m not saying that it is super easy for straight people to find a partner but it’s definitely easier than for non-heterosexuals, especially in boarding schools where we can’t really use devices like dating apps, which as I gather would be the easiest way to find a partner, though isn’t particularly the way I’d like to meet the love of my life.

Anyway, this was a pretty random post but I hope you enjoyed it. Please make sure to share this with others if you feel like it.

Love, John.